Can’t to Can Cards – Problem-Solving, EBSA, Emotional Regulation & Communication Support

A supportive tool to help children and young people understand their feelings and find ways forward.

Our Can’t To Can Cards are designed to support children and young people who may feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to express what is wrong.

Many children say “I can’t” without knowing why. These cards help to gently explore the reasons behind those feelings and offer simple, supportive ways to move forward.

By pairing “Can’t Cards” with “Can Cards,” this resource helps children feel understood, supported, and empowered.

About This Resource

This set includes:

• 38 Can’t Cards - These help children identify and communicate how they are feeling or what is making something difficult.
• 26 Can Cards - These provide supportive, child-friendly strategies to help children manage those feelings and take small steps forward.

The cards cover a wide range of experiences, including:

• Emotions (e.g. worried, angry, embarrassed).
• Sensory needs (e.g. too loud, too bright, uncomfortable clothing).
• School-based challenges (e.g. too hard, don’t understand, too much to do).
• Social and emotional situations (e.g. feeling left out, fear of being laughed at).

Features

• Simple, child-friendly language.
• Visual supports to aid understanding.
• Designed for a wide age range (children to teens).
• Supports emotional literacy and communication.
• Encourages problem-solving and independence.
• Suitable for home, school, and therapeutic settings.

What and Who Are They For?

These cards can help children express how they are feeling, understand why something feels difficult, and feel heard and validated. They also help children learn coping strategies that work, and move from “I can’t” to “I can.”

They are particularly helpful for children who struggle to verbalise feelings, experience anxiety or big feelings, have additional needs or find transitions challenging.

How To Use

• Start with the Can’t Cards: Encourage the child to choose a card that matches how they feel. You might say: “Can you find a card that shows why this feels hard?” They can choose as many cards as they like.
• Validate the feeling: Acknowledge their experience without trying to fix it straight away. For example: “That makes sense,” or “I can see why that feels hard.”
• Introduce a Can Card: Gently support the child to choose a helpful strategy, you could say: “Let’s find something that might help.” They may also choose more than one Can Card.
• Keep it simple: Focus just on the next step, the goal is not to solve everything - just to move forward a little.
• Repeat and build familiarity: The more the cards are used, the more confident children become in recognising and communicating their needs and choosing strategies that help them.

Tips and Tricks

• There is no right or wrong choice - Let the child lead and choose what feels right for them.
• Avoid rushing to solutions - Take time to understand first. Feeling heard and understood comes before problem-solving.
• Model the language - Show how to use the cards in everyday moments. For example: “I feel overwhelmed, I might need a break.”
• Use small steps - Focus on one simple step at a time. Big feelings can feel more manageable when broken down.
• Pair regularly used cards - Some children benefit from having familiar “go-to” cards they can use again and again.
• Watch for patterns - Notice if the same cards are chosen often. This can help you understand what the child might need.
• Keep them somewhere the child can easily reach - Store them somewhere the child can easily reach. Over time, they may begin to use them independently.

For Children Experiencing EBSA:

These cards can be especially helpful for children experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). They provide a gentle, non-threatening way for children to express what feels difficult about school, particularly when they may not have the words to explain it.

By identifying the reasons behind “I can’t” and offering small, manageable ways forward, the cards support reduced anxiety, increased understanding, and gradual re-engagement at the child’s pace.

Benefits

Can’t to Can Cards are designed to do more than simply help children name their feelings. They support children and young people to understand what is getting in the way, communicate this more clearly, and begin to explore supportive next steps.

This makes them a practical and meaningful tool for use at home, in school, and in therapeutic or pastoral settings.

• Supports emotional expression: Many children know they are struggling but do not always have the words to explain why. These cards help children communicate what feels hard, using simple, accessible language that reduces pressure and encourages honesty. This can be especially helpful for children who shut down, become overwhelmed, or respond with “I don’t know”.
• Builds emotional literacy: The cards help children recognise and name a wide range of emotions, thoughts, needs, and barriers. Over time, this supports stronger emotional awareness and helps children become more confident in identifying what they are feeling and what may be causing it.
• Helps uncover the reason behind “I can’t”: Children often say “I can’t” when the real difficulty is anxiety, overwhelm, sensory discomfort, uncertainty, fear of getting something wrong, social pressure, or a physical need. These cards help adults look beneath the surface and better understand what may really be driving avoidance, distress, or resistance.
• Encourages supportive problem-solving: Once a child has identified what feels difficult, the paired Can Cards offer simple, child-friendly ideas for what they can do next. This helps children move from feeling stuck to feeling more supported and more able to cope, without overwhelming them with too many demands or solutions at once.
• Promotes a sense of safety and validation: When children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to engage. These cards support adults to respond with empathy first, helping children feel that their feelings make sense and that they do not have to manage everything alone.
• Reduces pressure: The cards offer a gentle, non-threatening way to begin conversations. Rather than expecting a child to explain everything verbally, adults can use the cards to lower the demand and give the child another way to communicate. This can be especially helpful for children who find direct questions difficult or who feel put on the spot.
• Supports children experiencing anxiety: The resource is particularly useful for children and young people who experience worry, school-based anxiety, overwhelm, perfectionism, or fear of making mistakes. The cards can help break down anxious experiences into smaller, more understandable parts and offer calm, manageable ways forward.
• Helpful for children experiencing EBSA: For children experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance, the cards provide a supportive way to explore what feels difficult about school. They can help identify barriers such as separation worries, sensory overload, uncertainty, social concerns, fear of getting told off, or feeling unsafe. This can support better understanding, reduced distress, and more child-centred responses.
• Supports children with additional needs: These cards can be especially helpful for children with SEND, including children with autism, ADHD, demand avoidant, sensory-sensitive, or who struggle with communication and emotional regulation. The visual format and simple language can make feelings and needs easier to access and express.
• Encourages self-advocacy: Children learn that it is okay to notice what they need and to communicate it. Over time, this can support stronger self-awareness, self-advocacy, and independence. Children may begin to recognise patterns in their own feelings and choose strategies more confidently for themselves.
• Useful across a wide age range: The cards are designed to be suitable for both children and young people. The language is simple without being too young, making them appropriate for a broad age range and useful across different settings.
• Supports co-regulation: The cards are not just for the child - they also help adults respond more effectively. They offer a shared language that can support calm, connected conversations between children and the adults around them. This can strengthen trust and help adults feel more confident in how they respond.
• Encourages small, manageable steps: Instead of expecting immediate change, the cards support progress in smaller, achievable steps. This can be especially important for children who are highly anxious, easily overwhelmed, or resistant to direct demands. The focus shifts from “fixing” to gently moving forward.
• Helps identify patterns and triggers: When the same cards are chosen regularly, adults may begin to spot patterns in the child’s experiences. This can provide valuable insight into common triggers, unmet needs, or recurring stress points and can help guide more effective support.
• Flexible and easy to use: The cards can be used in many different ways depending on the child and the setting. They can support one-to-one conversations, check-ins, nurture work, calm corners, transitions, pastoral support, emotional regulation work, and home-based discussions. They can be used proactively or in the moment when a child is struggling.
• Builds confidence and resilience over time: The more children practise recognising what feels hard and choosing supportive next steps, the more confident they can become in managing challenges. This does not mean difficulties disappear, but it can help children feel less stuck, more capable, and more able to seek support when they need it.

Our Can't to Can Cards are a supportive, child-friendly resource that helps children understand what’s behind “I can’t” and find simple, manageable ways to move forward. Become a member and download today!